This past weekend was filled with a lot of indecisiveness. So much of me wanted to sleep the weekend away from the long week of work I had, but another part of me wants to put the stressful week in the past. I want to enjoy the time I have away from work, but as stressful as work is… I come home to rant about it. I’m still trying to figure out why that is… My goal is to enjoy my time with friends and family without work being a discussion. Lately, on Friday nights I have been taking my sleeping medications earlier as a way to “clear my head”, when really, I think it’s to clear the noise. The external noises I hear daily at work about not doing enough, not putting on a perfect smile, and not “getting things done”, as well as, hearing criticism that is unproductive and not motivating. The internal noises I hear daily of me myself questioning my work performance and “did I chose the correct work field?”. The constant racing thoughts of “did I do everything correctly”, “If I ask a question, should I already know the answer”, “Is the tone this person is responding in, is it frustration that I don’t know the job or that they are just having an off day”. Through all these thoughts bring up such feelings of discomfort and some paranoia. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Throughout the week, so much energy of mine is taken up to be a perfect person at work who can make no mistakes. So much negative energy is thrown my way and I have been allowing myself to suck it all in. I’m tired, but I want to live a fulfilling life but how do I quiet the noise by the end of the day or the end of the week?

That is why by the end of the week I question, to sleep or not to sleep.